well i did something yesterday that i never did before. i walked out of a bachelor party while it was still going on. all the time i have been dancing bachelor partys i never did that and that could be very damaging to my name and reputation. i have been feeling very depressed the last few days and i almost did not go dance but i had already got the money and felt i had to go but my heart was not in it and i could tell that i was not a big hit. i tried very hard but my heart was just not there. normally the guys go wild as i start to peel my street clothes off. and you would think world war III starts during my second hour. thats when my bottoms accidently fall off and the bag with the toys also accidently spills out as i accidently kick it over for everyone to see. anyway i could tell i was just a big bust. i even saw a guy yawning during my second hour which has never ever happened before. i just could not go on any further. i was not even there. so i danced my two hours and i gave my money and tips back to them and i left before the ohh la la was suppose to start and the real party begins. i dout that anyone would want to ohh la la with me anyway the state i was in. i did not know what to say. so i just called my bouncer from the car in case there was going to be any trouble and he drove me home. i cried all the way home. i had to pay him with my own money since i did not have any party money becaue i gave it all back. so i danced two hours for free and then lost money to the bouncer as well. it is not his fault i am in such a mess. i went to bed and could not fall asleep so i tried to masterbate my way to sleep but i failed to see the mountain top after patting miss priss for a solid hour so i just turned over and finally fell asleep with the lights still on in my bedroom. anyway yesterday was a bomb all the way around. and to make matters even worse. i peed in my bed last night.

i am so very unhappy.

he sat on the couch legs crossed. his feathers gleemed. he said nothing. he just stared. he eyes clear and sharp piercing the fog piercing the dark piercing the night shining like a dying star in the universe. i tried but i could not look away. he forced me look straight into his eyes. and i was his. i was not strong enough. i was not strong enough. he took the knife and sliced my wrists. and i just sat there doing nothing. it will soon be over he said. it will soon be over. and i believed him.

hi to all my aol friends and all my blog stream friends

i love reading all the blogs on blog stream. its almost as if i am a peeping tomasina. i get to read all your thoughts and joys and sadness. i read you comments about your wives and husbands and girlfriends and children. i live your lives through your thoughts and voices. i know your familys and dogs and cats and cars and vacations and jobs and neighbors. it is so neat. actually i almost feel guilty. not only do i learn about your sichuations (i know i spelled tht wrong) but i learn about you as well. i learn about you by the way you talk and fraze things. i know more about you by the way you talk on blogstream than you know about you. anyway i am glad you guys write your blogs. i wonder if everyone likes readying about you as i do. anyway. thanks bunches. ann

well i am not a very good writer. i like to write but my subject matter leaves a little to be desired. my last blog entry stepped over the line so sorry about that. however i am not going to erase it. i have deleted several in the past couple of months so i will leave this one and just say ooops sorry. i try to write towards the males because i like teasing them so. i try to be erotic sometimes but i do not want to go to porn. but i cross the line to much. well thanks for reading my blog anyway and i will try to calm it down a little in the future. but that is my life. that is what i do. that is who i am. wow i am in a perdicument