nazeer died this morning. he was 80 years old. i loved him.

nazeer had a heart attack today about noon. he is in critical condidtion in the heart unit at the hospital.

i just had a visitor come over. i have known him for a long time and he comes over almost every week. this morning he came over and i could instantly tell something was on his mind. normally he is cheerful and jokes a lot but this morning he was very subdued and quiet. i undressed him and we laid on top of the guest bed but this time no toys or tvs or movies or anything. he just laid his head on my breasts and said nothing. i did not say anything in return i just let him lay in peace while i rubbed his head. he just held me and i held him. he is probably 65 or 70 but he is still a very big man with huge arms and muscular legs. so i have no idea what the problem was or what was on his mind. we lay that way for over an hour. his only movement was an occassional sucking of my breasts but he only did that a couple of times. i was so sad for him. i would have rubbed his back but i could not reach it with him on top of me so i just rubbed his head the hole time. i knew he was deep in thought because i could almost feel his mind racing with many thoughts. i did not know what to do or how to help him because i knew he was not here for ohh la la today. after about a hour and a half he got up and i put his clothes back on him and we kissed at the door. it was really a strange kiss. it was very long and gentle and tender. i could not read his kiss which is very strange becasue i can always read a males kiss. but not this time. i walked him to his car even though i was still naked but we seldom have people drive down my road so i knew no one would see me. many times he has a driver but today he drove himself here. anyway he looked at me and winked a sad wink and said i better get back in the house before i get arrested. i kissed him one more time through the car window and watched him back uphis car and leave. i went inside and cried for him. i had no idea why i cried except i was so sad for him was the only reason. he normally is a aggressive giant of a man. but today he was a little boy. it is strange to me how a very powerful man can be so gentle and helpless at times. males are so complex.

i bought a big can of dinty moore stew. it weighted a pound and a half. i ate the whole thing. i just ate a pound and a half of stew. oinkee oinkee oink oink oink hahahahhahahaha

hi to all my friends
well i did yardwork all day today. first nazeer and i covered his swimming pool with a tarp so it would not get dirty for the winter. then i mowed both our lawns probably for the last time for the winter. then he supervised me trimming all the hedges and flower beds and turning over all the dirt. whew i was tired after that. that is tiring work hahahhahahahhahahha