becca brought over a newspaper yesterday. there was a article that said a skalaton was found in a field with a hole in its head. the skalaton was dead. what caught beccas interest was that the fingers had been cut off at the first nuckle. all of them were cut off. as becca read it to me we realized that it sounded like the mafia man who used to work at our club. i talked about the mafia man in my aol journal that many of you have read. i hated the mafia man and i was very afraid of him. i had to pay him over 200 dollars every week or he said he would cut my fingers off and i absoluetly believed him. we had over 100 dancers in my club and as far as i know all of the dancers paid him every week except for becca and i think she was crazy not to. we were so afraid of him that he ohh la la with any dancer he wanted married or not at any time he wanted. as far as i know they never told their husbands. i have seen him many times get a dancer whose husband was in the club and he would take her and screw her in the makeup room while the husband was in the next room. sometimes there might be 10 or 15 girls putting makeup on as he was screwing another dancer on the couch. he made no attempt to go to another room. he did that on purpose to hu mel e ate the dancer and get control not only of her but all of us and it worked because i did what ever he wanted no matter what because i was terrified of him. if i was in the makeup room i tried my best to hurry up and leave whenever he came in. he was very mean. the manager did nothing. i knew the manager very well but he never wanted to talk about the mafia man so i do not think he was part of it and for all i know he paid the mafia man too but i do not know that for sure. when i first got a job at the club i did not even know what a four oclock girl was although i suspected there was a vip room so i told my boss i did not want to be a four oclock girl and i did not want to work in the vip room. so i was there about a year until the mafia man room comes into the make up room and i thought he wanted to ohh la la again but that is not what he wanted. he said i had to either work as a four oclock girl or the vip room it was my chose and that got me by total surprize. i tried to be strong like becca but i was shivering when i told him i did not want to do that and he could not make me so he completely picked me up easily because i am such a little person and banged me against the wall with his arm in my chest and i could not breathe and anyway i got all the wind knocked out of my lungs. i could not catch my breath or breathe at all. and while about i do not know 8 or 10 girls were watching he grabbed miss priss and pinched as hard as he could and i thought i was going to die. i have never been in such pain at all and i could not breathe and miss priss was crying and i wanted to kill him but i could not do anything because my feet were not even touching the floor i was being held up by his arm in my chest. i said no about three times then i could not take the pain any more and i knew i was going to do what he said anyway so on that day i started working in the vip room. i also got my first std on that day. i am surprized that anybody would even want to talk to miss priss because she was black with a big bruse for two weeks and i mean she was black as midnight. i got a std four times while i was working the vip room. i can only imageine the number of girls who had a std at our club at any one time. think of all the pain it caused. and the married girls. i wonder what they told their husbands. i guess i am very lucky i did not get aids. on my last std i got very sick and the sickness went into my bones and muscles and i stayed home in bed and was there when the mafia man came over to get his weekly money even thought i had not worked that week. he did not knock he just walked in my house into my bedroom where becca and i were watching tv. well i did not have 200 dollars in my purse because i was not expecting him and he got very upset. so in anger he threw my bed covers off and took off his clothes and punished me while becca sat in the corner crying. i could not believe it. i was sick in bed with a std and miss priss had a huge red rash all over her and he screwed me anyway. i just laid there like a limp blanket as he did his business. poor miss priss was so num from her sickness that she did not feel a thing the whole time. he was crazy as a crazy person. did he think he was imuine from my std. i was mad but i was more scared. i did not want my fingers cut off. i just knew he was going to give a std to every girl in my club who did not already have it because believe me he screwed all of them. i almost went to the police many times but i kept thinking on of the other girls will do that any day and the police will get him. but the police never came. before i got over my sickness he stopped coming to the club one day. he just stopped coming. he never came back. no one ever knew what happened to him. after about two months of him gone i thought maybe he was never coming back so i quit and i knew i was taking a chance. but he never came back. so when becca brought over that newspaper i think that one of the dancers finally told her husband and one of the husbands or several husbands maybe got him and took him into the field and shot him and cut his fingers off like he kept threatening to do to the dancers. i knew of three or four husbands were former convicts and were very tough themselves and we had few biker husbands. i think the mafia man got what he deserved. he was a very mean person.

i have been sitting in my chair and thinking with the lights out for the past hour or so. the sun is just now peeking over the trees and starting to come in my window. i guess i was half sleeping as i was thinking because the sun is hurting my eyes. i have been thinking about a early appointment i had today. as you may know i have one appointment every sunday at 5:30 in the morning. that is a very unusual time for a fantasy appointment but he has been visiting me at that time for almost five years. i do not think he has missed more than one or two sundays in all that time. i never get ready for him and i just meet him at my door in my jammies. he said one time he likes it better that way because it is more natural that way morning breath and hairy legs and all. anyway at first i thought he had been drinking which is a little unusual although he has drank before. then when i tasted his liquid i knew because it had a very strong alcohal taste. this is not official but i think alcohal goes strait to a males seman for some reason. well miss priss still had a sore throat from the lake episode last week so we could not ohh la la so we just touchy feely and played a game called paint the tonsils. he kept telling me how his wife did not understand him etc etc and i thought he was just crying in his beer so to speak. it was really not like him at all because he is very educated and always sure of himself. he is a big business man with lots of busineeses he runs so it was not like him at all to talk that way. anyway i reasured him i would always be here for him. i told him he should get a taxi home because he might have a wreck and he said he did not need one because his wife was in the drive way.................she had driven him here............ well i was dum struck and at first i did not belive him so i looked out my front door and truly she was in the car on the drivers side waiting for him. i really was not expecting her there so i was standing completely naked in my door way as we stared at each other. i do not think i will ever forget the look on her face as she was staring at me in my doorway. i can not describe the look. it was a look of sadness and emptyness. i do not think it was the look of hate but maybe it was i am not sure. i was so stupid that i stood there naked for about 30 seconds wondering what i should do. she was only about 10 feet away with her window rolled down so like a stupid hick i asked her if she wanted to come in and have a dr pepper because i do not drink coffee. she simply said no. she was so close i could almost touch her. i never judge people because belive me there are a lot of stories in life and i have my own stories so i never judge another. so i do not judge my guest nor do i judge his wife waiting for him while his lips are on my breasts but i tell you it was very unsettling. anyway i leave the front door open because i think it would be very bad if i shut it on her so i walked backed to the guest room and helped him on with his clothes. i stood naked in the doorway again and waved to both of them as he got in the car and she drove him home. anyway that has been on my mind for the past hour. i am fluxuating from wanting to cry to trying to get it out of my mind but the site of her face sitting alone in that car really disturbs me. i think i am going to call her. i have his number but i have never called his home. but if i call her that will break my own rule of always keeping secrecy of my guests. i have never broken that rule. i do not know what to do. i hope i can forget the look on her face. i have to think on this for a little bit.

nazeer must be looney. he gets up at 4 oclock in the morning at his house and sneaks into my house while i am sleeping like a log. he crawls under the covers and i guess i am snoring because i do not even feel him in my bed and oh my gosh am i surprized when he puts his big arm over my belly and he starts snoring with me oh my oh my hahahahahahahhahahaha boy was i surprized. that is very scarey. nazeer is from pakistan and is very hairy so i knew instantly who it was or who i hope it was. well still it is surprizing to wake up with someone's arm laying on your belly. at first i thought he wanted to ohh la la but he just slept and snored. i guess he got lonely or something. anyway as the sun began to look into my window and the birds started to sing outside i could feel mr willy waking up for the morning because i got this stabbing feeling in my side even though nazeer was snoring so i guess he was dreaming of me. that is so funny to me. well i just turned over and rubbed nazeers chest with all that black hair for about 30 minutes until nazeer woke up. well miss priss still had a sore throat from the lake trip so she was unable to carry on a inteligent conversation so i just got out the baby oil and massaged mr willys aching back. wow talk about curviture of the spine. i think mr willy needs to see a doctor about that. he looked like a banana on steriods hahahahhahahahahahh. anyway nazeer is still sleeping in my bed and of course i could not go back to sleep so here i am naked in my chair writing in my blog. men always get the breaks. sometimes i wish i was a male. they seem to have all the fun. i hope nazeer is happy. I think i will go drown myself in some ice cream and gain five pounds. bye bye

my deputy came over monday. i have not seen him since he got married and i was so very very very very very happy to see him. his wife went out of town for a few days and he came over. they have only been married for a few months. anyway she is a lawyer or doctor or brain surgon or something and had to go out of town for a week. well i do not mind because i have known him much longer than she has. besides this is his second wife so second wives do not count. anyway he wanted to go camping so we went to the lake for most of the week. actually i think he did not want anyone to see his car at my house but that is ok i understand. so we took a itty bitty tent and went to the lake and put it by the waters edge. it was really hot and i could not even breathe in that tent so we slept outside and danced the tango in 100 plus degree heat and my butt has moskito bites all over hahahahhahahha and wow am i sunburned. i put on lots of sun screen but my skin is so snow white that those sun rays went right though to my bones. well i guess you know from my other blogs that i am in love with my deputy although i knew from the first it was a not going to happen. he has been told on more than one okasion not to talk to me. i am so happy that he does not pay attention to his boss but i guess it is dangerous for him since he is a police and all. i sure hope his boss does not read my blog. oh my oh my. that would be bad. well i guess i am not that worried because i have visited with his boss in the VIP room at least two or three times when i use to work at the club and i belive in black mail if the time comes. ahahahhahahahahahh anyway i had a very happy week by the water even with my sunburn. well i did do one stupid thing that we ohh la la several times in the lake water and i now have a big infection because miss priss does not like lake water and i knew this already because i have ohh la la in lake water before and i get a infection every time but i ignored it and woe is me i am paying for it now. i know i have to go to the doctor and i am sure he is going to yell at me because i should have known better. oh well all in all i really enjoyed my week with my deputy. and i know he had lots of fun to...when he left to go home this morning i cried all morning non stop. i love him and it breaks my heart when he goes home to his wife and leaves me standing on the porch. oh well such is my life. bye bye

i wanted a picnic yesterday. i do not know why other than it is summer and picnic time. so i made potato salad and baked beans and took it over to nazeers yard and i told him to buy some hamburber meat. so yesterday we had a grill out in the back yard picnic by the pool. well it was only 107 degrees in ft worth so it was not very hot at all hahahhahahahahhahahahah. so we put a table up by the pool and ate and swam most of yesterday. surprize surprize becca even came over which is a miracle because becca hates nazeer. she thinks he is a terriort which she remind me every day. so we swam all day in nazeers pool and ate and etc etc. about noon the suits came off and i think we had lots of fun. anyway i had fun. good thing he has a big wood fence. i gained ten pounds with all the food. hahahahahahhahaha that was my saturday