depression is so unpre dic table. i have been on my crazy pills without fail and i was in a very good mood all day. but about two hours ago i signed off aol and was waiting for a appointment to show up. and i could feel the darkness creep in. i could almost see the blackness float in my window. it came ever so close to my face then just floated away and the lightbulb in my lamp that was white just a few minutes earlier was all yellow and pasty. i could not shake this feeling of bleakness and all i could do was stare at that yellow bulb. i think i could have been ok if only becca or nazeer had come by. but no one came by and i was all alone with that yellow lightbulb. and i sank very low. and i could feel it coming on but i could not stop it and i began to cry very strongly just because that bulb was so yellow. i think i became that yellow bulb and that bulb started to cry for me and we were both crying very stongly. my crazy doctor told me to call her if it ever comes on sudden like that. usually it takes me a long time to get depressed but i went from white to yellow in just a very short time. and i could not think myself out of it and i just cried and cried because that bulb was so yellow and sad. my appointment came over and i met him at the door crying with my makeup running down my face and i think i scared him to death. so he left and did not stay and i took a bath. i am afraid to turn that lamp off. i am afraid of what will happen if that lamp bulb goes from white to yellow to black. i can see if from here and it is so sad. i am going to call nazeer to see if he will come over and rub my back. i am always rubbing peoples back til they fall asleep. i want someone to rub my back til i fall asleep. anyway sorry this is such a bummer. sometimes i get in these moods.

i woke up this morning about 4:30.  i guess i had drank a lot of water last night because my bladder was very full and was pressing against miss prissy and i had to pee really bad.  my bladder was pressing against her so much that miss priss was ex seed ing ly tinglee and very excited.  sometimes when i wake up in the morning and have to pee really bad miss priss does this to me.  well i do not think that is very fair because it drives me up a wall and she was extra extra sens a tive this morning.  so in the dark and with sleepy eyes i had no choice but to pat miss priss and hope she would go to sleep and hope i would not pee in my bed hahahahhahahahaha.  well miss priss was so tinglee that i had a really big orgazum after only about ten seconds or so of patting.  it was very big and i am sure i was seeing stars for several minutes nonstop.  i pat her so hard that if she had teeth i am sure i would have patted them down her throat.  i could not even breathe during those minutes and i arched my back so much i am sure i was going to hurt myself.  anyway miss priss normally acts right after something like that but she would not be normal this time and i had no choice but to keep patting and my bladder was getting dain ger us ly close to breaking but i could not help it.  well after a little bit miss priss finally e rup tad a second and thank goodness a final time but this time i guess i arched my back too much and miss priss was so excited that my bladder let loose in the middle of everything and it rained non stop because there was no way i could stop patting this time so i just did it.  this is the only time i ever remember peeing in my bed.  but it was very intense.  well that was a while ago and now miss priss is back to her normal size but i can not even stand up straight because i think i strained a muscle in my back.  i really enjoyed this morning but quite truthfully i am not sure i would live through that again i am sure i will die if that ever happens like that again.  my heart will burst.  it was very good but a very big torture also.  maybe my back will be better later and i can stand up.  hahahahahahahaha i do not know if i should just throw away the matress now or let it dry and turn it over.  i am sure i can get nother one because it was a gift from a special friend who works in a mattress place and i still see him almost every week .  do not think poorly of me because i peed in my bed.  i guess i could have easily kept this to myself and no one would ever know but i wanted to share it.  this paragraph is probably over the line and the owner of the blog thingee might delete it and i will understand if he does but i hope he lets me keep it in my blog because this is who i am.  i am not much for keeping secrets because i am not that way i can not help it.  anyway right now i am very very satisified and very very happy and i want you to be happy to.  but tonight i am not going to drink any water before i go to bed because it will be the end of me if miss priss ever does this to me again.

i do my nails every week. it cost me 65 dollars every time i go. well that is suppose to include fixing them for free if they break or need some sort of repair. well i was jogging this monrning before the sun came up because of my sunburn i jogged in the morning. well like a boobie i fell in the dark and i broke two of my nails. i went to the nail foo foo boy at the mall and he would not fix them unless i paid for them. i really got mad because i am paying a arm and a leg for his foo foo nails and he should fix them for free. he said since i broke them jogging then it was not his fault so i had to pay for them. i was really pissed. i told him i would never come to his place again. i have ohh la la with him many times even though he is a foo foo but i told him to never come to my house again that he should go ohh la la with brucie. he added insult to injugy by saying....ok....that really made me mad. he would actually pick foo foo brucie over me. what a insult.

i made a big mistake today. i went jogging about one oclock or so because i had a headache this morning. well i got as far as the cow pond and it was such a nice day and the sun was shining so i decided to sun myself since no one was around. well no one is ever around the cow pond because it is in the middle of the pasture. anyway i took my jogging shorts and top off and yes my undies too and oh oh i fell asleep. i woke up about a hour and a half later and i was already red all over and oh oh i knew i was in trouble. my poor white skin was red as a lobster in only that little time. nazeer had warned me of sunning and falling asleep but i was so stupid that i did. well i was tired and the wind was so cool but the wind does not stop the little sun droggies from attacking my skin. well now i am red all over and i can not even wear a night gown. i have been in the bath for almost an hour with lots of oil etc etc but it does not seem to help much and i am in ouchie ouchie land. i have two appointments tomorrow and i am going to have to cancel them i think and i know they will be very mad. well my headache is back now and i can feel the heat in my skin. well actually it only hurts when i laugh hahahahahhahahahahhah owe owe ouchie ouchie hahhahahahhah ouchie owe hahahhaha ouchie and it is only my front that is red my rear end is still white as snow. i am a peppermint stick hahahahhaha ouch ouch i could not even use mr jiggles distant uncle who happens to be residing in my nick nack drawer while i was in the bath tub so i am a little grouchy right about now. hahhahahah ouch ouch i got sunburned like this once last year and you would think i would learn my lesson on sun tanning but i guess i did not learn.

hahahahahahahaha that last title is a funny one. that is a very funny title to me. nazeer is ok and i think maybe i made to light of the situation but everything is ok and he is coming home today. hahahahaha i still think that it is a very funny title.